Gay Marriage. And then what?

This post from February 2011 may at first blush appear irrelevant since the Supreme Court dictated decided that the nation's definition of marriage needed to be redefined. But the fundamental question here was what would happen after same-sex marriage became the norm, a question probably more pertinent now than then. 

Today Elder Dallin H. Oaks, and Apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints spoke at Chapman Law School here in So Cal. To those outside the church, this may not seem like a big deal, but to Mormons, the chance to hear an Apostle speak “outside” of the pulpit, especially on the subject of religious freedom is a rare treat.

Elder Oaks mentioned same-sex marriage in his talk today. But his address was really about the diminishing state of religious freedom in our country. Elder Oaks reminds me of what I see is the larger issue: the inevitable collision course between societal progressives of the left and religion.

In the late 90’s as liberals campaigned for domestic partnerships, I remember how much effort supporters of domestic partnerships went to assuage the concerns of opponents.  They argued that they were not pushing for “marriage,” just domestic partnerships. These laws gave registered same-sex domestic partners the identical rights of married heterosexuals.  But in the years that have followed domestic partnership laws, we see now that same-sex marriage is what progressives have been seeking all along.

Or is it? Proponents of gay marriage go to great lengths to stress what they really seek is equality. What exactly does that mean and where does it end? If same-sex marriage is finally enshrined in our country, does anyone really believe that the goal of equality will stop there?

It didn’t stop with domestic partnerships, and we are foolish to think those who champion homosexual marriage will be satisfied with marriage. If we give them same-sex marriage, then what? We are being naive if we think that the enshrinement of gay marriage will be the end of this issue.

Societal progressives downplay what they see as the alarmist tone of defenders of religious freedom. As the LA Times editorialized in the headline of today’s article covering Elder Oak’s talk “Many Americans find little evidence that religious liberty is threatened.” (Though if you read the article, “many” turned out to be “one”). 

The Times cannot deny that those who seek to change the very basic unit of society, for better or for worse, will not collide with society's religious institutions and that these conflicts will not continue even if same-sex marriage is made a reality. Frankly, these conflicts are already here.

Think the now infamous wedding photographer story was a fluke? Take a few minutes and peruse the website of the Alliance Defense Fund.  

When religious and progressive forces collide, it is clear that progressives have no problem with religious peoples, so long as they keep those religious mouths shut. Take a look at the comments section of the Times article and it becomes abundantly clear the left doesn’t just disagree with religious people. It wants to silence them.

So as we contemplate gay marriage, I hope we will also ask the more important question:  After gay marriage - what comes next?

The Zenith of Manhood: Listening to the Top Gun Soundtrack While Driving a Minivan

For a few years, my company car was a minivan. Kind of like pocket protectors, once I got past the inherent nerdiness of the van, I was shocked at how practical it was and how much stuff I could put into it. One night I was prompted to write this...

There are certain definitive moments in your life that really let you know your place in the world. You know, times where you realize where you truly stand in the great scheme of things. 

I had one of these moments just the other day. 

No, it didn’t involve a near-death experience. Or a trip to a mountain top. Or a new app on my phone (though sometimes just an update to an app will induce near euphoria). 

You see, owing to an absentee husband, my wife spent four years hustling kids to various school and church events. So when Wednesday nights come around, I always take my younger sons to Cub Scouts. 

Recently one evening I was headed over to pick them up. It was a warm evening and because I was alone, I rolled down the windows. Of my Minivan.  Hey, it was nice outside. 

Cruising, with the windows down in my grocery getter an old but familiar song came on the radio. I turned up the volume. Music cranked, I recognized the song. Which one?  Kenny Loggins. Top Gun Soundtrack.

As went down the road, I realized this is my place in life. Minivan, windows down, “Danger Zone” pumping out the speakers and on my way to pick up my two Cub Scouts. 

Somehow as a kid, I’d figure at this age I’d be listening to the Danger Zone in a Ferrari. Or even Tom Cruise’s F-14. 

But as I laughed at myself that night I realized, no this is where I need to be. A father, a husband, a Dad. Sure it’s my place in life. 

And there is no other place I’d rather be.

Life’s Greatest Happiness? I Think I Know Where You Find It.

I have six brothers and one sister. She has been happily married since then and now has two children. In 2010 when she became engaged I was feeling reflective and wrote the following.

Since becoming father years ago, I’ve often struggled in trying to describe what it’s like being a parent to non-parent. I’ve found this is very difficult to do and not unlike trying to describe the taste of salt without using the word salt. 

This last weekend, my one and only sister became engaged to marry. My bro-in-law-to be is named Matthew (thus preserving our family tradition of hum-drum first names, perhaps my sister should have married someone named Dragon) and seems to be a swell guy. All of us are genuinely excited for them.

No doubt the future will bless them with a family and a lifetime of happiness. Because of this, we spent some time this weekend talking about marriage. These thoughts came to me:

1. A Great Marriage Truly Gets Better and Better. I’m not in the 50-year club, or even the 25, but I can honestly say that after 13 years of marital bliss, our marriage is still indeed bliss. No fizzle, no puttering out, it's better now than ever. Recently when I finished law school, we both felt such a sense of accomplishment. The fact that we grew together, rather than apart tells me adversity can make you closer.

2. Having a Bunch of Kids is the End All and Be All. What’s a bunch? As a Mormon, you’d have to get over seven for me to even be impressed, so I’ll leave the precise number to you. But in all honesty, I simply cannot imagine life without my children. Today our two boys yet in elementary school had their first day. Marnie and I both went to the bus stop- we were so excited despite the fact that we’ve been through this many times before. And then there was Claire who, after her brothers were gone this morning lamented “where’s my boys?”  These tender moments simply cannot be adequately described with language. There is a simple and unique joy that comes from our posterity. 

3. Our Greatest Work Will Be the Work We Do With Our Families. Quoting from a well-known church leader here, but I sincerely believe that no matter what I do as a professional, my greatest responsibility will be the work I do with my children. We talked today of one of our boys who is doing particularly well in school. Here is the little human being, that we helped create, whose is simply excelling right now. It doesn’t matter what I make of myself, what matters is what I help my kids make of themselves. 

So to those who are engaged to be married and to those who may even now be contemplating nuptials, you have from me my enthusiastic and heartfelt encouragement. May your lives together be an ever-expanding commitment of love for one another and for the family you will create.

Coming back to Blogger...

About seven years ago, I thought it would be a good idea to move this blog to Tumblr. I thought the hip "microblog" atmosphere of Tumblr would fit me, but in an effort to focus on writing, I'm coming back to Blogger.

Of the coming weeks, I will be posting old posts from the Tumblr side that I still think our relevant. Some of these are awful but some aren't too bad.