Life’s Greatest Happiness? I Think I Know Where You Find It.

I have six brothers and one sister. She has been happily married since then and now has two children. In 2010 when she became engaged I was feeling reflective and wrote the following.

Since becoming father years ago, I’ve often struggled in trying to describe what it’s like being a parent to non-parent. I’ve found this is very difficult to do and not unlike trying to describe the taste of salt without using the word salt. 

This last weekend, my one and only sister became engaged to marry. My bro-in-law-to be is named Matthew (thus preserving our family tradition of hum-drum first names, perhaps my sister should have married someone named Dragon) and seems to be a swell guy. All of us are genuinely excited for them.

No doubt the future will bless them with a family and a lifetime of happiness. Because of this, we spent some time this weekend talking about marriage. These thoughts came to me:

1. A Great Marriage Truly Gets Better and Better. I’m not in the 50-year club, or even the 25, but I can honestly say that after 13 years of marital bliss, our marriage is still indeed bliss. No fizzle, no puttering out, it's better now than ever. Recently when I finished law school, we both felt such a sense of accomplishment. The fact that we grew together, rather than apart tells me adversity can make you closer.

2. Having a Bunch of Kids is the End All and Be All. What’s a bunch? As a Mormon, you’d have to get over seven for me to even be impressed, so I’ll leave the precise number to you. But in all honesty, I simply cannot imagine life without my children. Today our two boys yet in elementary school had their first day. Marnie and I both went to the bus stop- we were so excited despite the fact that we’ve been through this many times before. And then there was Claire who, after her brothers were gone this morning lamented “where’s my boys?”  These tender moments simply cannot be adequately described with language. There is a simple and unique joy that comes from our posterity. 

3. Our Greatest Work Will Be the Work We Do With Our Families. Quoting from a well-known church leader here, but I sincerely believe that no matter what I do as a professional, my greatest responsibility will be the work I do with my children. We talked today of one of our boys who is doing particularly well in school. Here is the little human being, that we helped create, whose is simply excelling right now. It doesn’t matter what I make of myself, what matters is what I help my kids make of themselves. 

So to those who are engaged to be married and to those who may even now be contemplating nuptials, you have from me my enthusiastic and heartfelt encouragement. May your lives together be an ever-expanding commitment of love for one another and for the family you will create.